Axe them -- axe them all!

Ok, the match list is down from one hundred and whatever to just 13. A few don't look too bad, but I didn't read all the questions and stuff- just profiles and pictures (yeah, I'm shallow, too!). I did leave a handful that weren't the most attractive guys on the block if I thought their personalities made them seem cuter. And, of course, I had to leave those guys on my list (though now you have to throw out the page numbers) so that you could look at them after my witty remarks.

I pulled a few gems out of the process just to let you know what you are missing.

Occupation: "Genral Manger" (He may need to move to Bethlehem and wait for the second coming.) What do you do in your leisure time?

"jkl; jk;llkj;l" (Evidently, he likes to practice typing with his right hand from the home position on the keyboard) "working out reading" (Now, does that mean working out AND reading, or struggling through the complexities of how to read?)

"painting photography" (Ahh, photography- it's so hard to catch on oil and canvas...)

What are you most passionate about? "Nothing." (Enough said.)

And one of my favorites came from a man named Tzui, who said he doesn't read books, because "many years of collage .... spoiled reading for me." You'd think those many years of college would have yielded the proper spelling of 'college.' He followed that by saying in the 'Things you should know about me' section that he always knows how to act in situations and "never get(s) embraced." Now, I don't know if that's because he's foreign, doesn't like to shower often, and has an offensive body odor or what, but in any case, it doesn't sound good.

Having gone through all of those less-than-desirable dudes and 'close match' pages, and listing 'other' as the reason every time, I have compiled a list of closing statements that I think it is imperative for eHarmony to add ASAP. They are as follows:

• There is a slight possibility that you are gay
• I believe you are gay
• Give me a break, Mary- you are GAY. You know it. I know it.
• You come across as an ignorant lame-o.
• I believe you may be incredibly stupid.
• We both know you're older than you've stated on your bio.
• You've displayed a blatant over-use of exclamation points in the short time I've known you, and for that you must be punished.
• You look like a psycho killer in your picture, and I don't want to die.
  

You should scroll through the short list that's left and 'close match' on anybody you see absolutely no point in contacting further. That way, you'll only have to look at brand new deadbeats and rejects. ;-)

Emma