Father Christmas and pirate booty

Well, you have another lot of dudes for the day. Here's what the puppet-master thinks of them.

Chad- Chad is funny, but I'm not sure whether or not it's intentional. When asked what the first thing you'll notice about him, he said, "My booty or my eyes... you tell me". How can you notice a person's booty when you meet them face-to-face? Is it enormous? Does he mean pirate's booty? Maybe that's it- he wears giant, piratey, Mr. T gold chains, and that's what people tend to notice first. I'll tell you what I noticed first. Ring ring. Bridget Fonda called. She wants her smile back, Mr. McCreepy. If you can get past all that, I think the two of you have some things in common activity-level-wise.

Scott- Scott is obviously trying to use Christmas in his photos to bring out the warm fuzzies in the women viewing his profile. He looks like a dad. A nice dad, but a dad. Hey, we can call him Father Christmas. :-) It's definitely time to drop that age range down to 42.

Steve- Steve got one of the shiny golden aliens from Cocoon to take his picture. You'd think with all that spaceship technology, the alien would have been better at it. What, is that a finger? Why would he use this photo?

Mark- Mark has a problem with overuse of the 'dot dot dot'. This could mean several things.
A) Mark is secretly a spy, and has to trail off at the ends of his sentences because they are full of code, and he needs people to read between the lines.
B) Mark is easily distracted, and actually means to write more, but then sees something shiny and his finger just drifts to the period key.
C) Mark is into mind control. He wants us to wonder about the extra dots. He NEEDS us to wonder about the extra dots. God, NO! It's working!
I also really like his trendy jeans, white shirt, smooth hairdo picture. Very Days of our Lives.

Brandon- MY EARS HURT JUST FROM READING ALL THE CAPITAL LETTERS AND EXCLAMATION POINTS! IT'S LIKE BEING YELLED AT OVER THE INTERNET!

Cliff- Um, yeah. What can I say about Cliff? He's perfect. A hemp-weaving, Birkenstock-wearing, thong-guy-toting, vegetarian fruitcake. I mean, who wouldn't want a man who never drinks and describes his relationship with another man as not being able to be 'described in words'? You want real fodder for comedy? Go out with him.

Emma