No matches on Saturday?

I noticed that you closed some matches before the puppet master could view them, but you know I have to comment on some of them anyway. ;-)

Yanni- You'd think that with Yanni's "Intellect to further (his)self", he would be able to write about the "Opportunities (he) have has in life" without screwing it up. I especially liked his profile picture with the dish brush. Is it just me, or does the girl standing next to him staring at the dish brush look a little worried? That can't be a good sign.

Ken- You know that weird teeth-showing thing little kids do when you tell them to smile for a picture? Looks like Ken never grew out of that.

Vyadya Dadya- If that is indeed his real name, has either put this profile page together as a joke, or is one of the saddest people I have ever seen. First of all, it looks like he's already found his perfect match in Al Gore. The guy mentions Gore four or five times. Secondly, whether you're joking or not, if you're going to keep referring to saving "indangered species", learn how to spell it properly! We don't want people saving the wrong animals, now do we?

Adam- Looks like a deranged wood sprite in his profile photo

Chris - Looks like a serial killer who just crashed an Indian Shriner's Convention at the Elk Lodge in his profile pic. That's not a good look for anybody.

Zane- I don't know when that pic was taken with his kids, but he looks like a catalog model (and in a good way). Even his two sons look like they are working on their own versions of the sexy sneer. Now, admittedly, his forearm does look a bit Robin-Williams-fur-style, but the washboard abs make up for it. He sounds very intelligent and well-written in his bio, also. There must be something dreadfully wrong with him. Maybe the 'I'm a trendy zombie vampire' Halloween pic is a hint that he's incredibly vain. In any case, he's not so fabulous that I would drive 150 miles to see him.

It's such a shame that Kristian closed you. His wonderful, center-hair-poof do is too amazing for words. Plus, he's passionate about "Learning skills to use in the furtherance of myself and those who I love." I'm sure that all that furtherance would have come in handy. He's thankful for his "Abilities and skills". Hmmm...I wonder what kind of skills. Nunchuk skills? Bow hunting skills? Napoleon-Dynamite-impersonating skills?

Glamour Shots Ramiro closed you, too. His seventies porn-'stache must have been intimidated by your awesomeness.

Kevin is a total cutie and is one of the few men I've come across on here who actually picked the RIGHT picture for their profile pic. That earns him brownie points right there. Let's hope that the fact that he drinks "Several times a week" corresponds to his affinity for cooking, and not that he's some sort of toilet-hugging, binge-drinking alcoholic. He could have been a little more detailed in his profile, but he seems intelligent and he can write a sentence without looking like an ignorant dumbass. Definitely worth pursuing!

Shame on eHarmony for not finding any new matches today. Does the program take Saturdays off or something? I am, however, very proud that you have been keeping your matches list so much shorter. I don't know if you're finally feeling the thirst of the guillotine or you're just getting past the guilt you were feeling about sending "Closed" messages to TOTAL STRANGERS that you will probably never encounter in your LIFE, but either way, it's a good thing. By the way, I think Dan sounds great in his messages. I think you should definitely go out with him some time (avoiding hotel rooms, of course) and see what he's like in person. You'd better start feeling better soon so you can meet some more of these dudes. I need some more stories!

Emma