Slim pickins

How was the date last night?

Zafer- Please, God- let his name rhyme with 'wafer' or sound like you are french and talking about a fur coat. I'm so glad he's not a 'risk averse person'. I hate people who are risk averse. Almost as much as I hate people who say things like 'risk averse.' By the way, is that a lip stud or a mole?

William- Holy crap! They found Jeremiah Johnson living in Alaska!!!! Evidently, he hiked so long on the trails of America, that he forgot that you don't spell Appalachian "Appalacian". Here's my favorite part: when you first meet William, you'll notice "I tend to think a lot." This goes great with his previous statement of liking to date people smarter than he is. But the cherry on the cake is this:
William typically spends his leisure time:
I have really developed a passion for hiking in remote areas. I also like to practice playing the banjo, to read books, and to eat a good meal with good friends.
I hear the "Dueling Banjos" soundtrack music to Deliverance playing in the background... Watch your ass around this guy. Literally.

Dale- His son is as chubby as he is and wearing a hunting shirt. That says more than enough about Dale. Also, he's "Quite and reserved." Quite what? STUPID?!?

John's one of those annoying no photo/no info people. BO-RING.

I almost closed Kirk for you, with the "Based on statements in this profile, I think this guy's a total dickhead wrapped in a shit-scented douchebag" remark, or whatever is the closest to that, but then I thought you might like the honor yourself.

Thomas' daughter is cute, but it looks as if his face is slowly migrating to the right. Maybe he's like one of those cuttlefish things where the eyes move around to one side of their head over time. Anyway, I don't think you can follow up that what you look for in a person is that you find them physically fit and attractive with, "I am really nice!" as the first thing you'll notice about him.

Orlando's profile picture looks like he's making a "Whatchu talkin' about, Willis?" face. Besides that, on paper, he seems like your average nice guy.

Bummer that Matt closed you for "Other" reasons- I bet that dimple on his chin could have come in handy for holding your loose change or cell phone or something.

Ok, I think that I'm pretty much caught up? There's a few that we talked about on the phone already, like Mr. I-Might-Stalk-And-Kill-You picture guy. Oh, you did close Mike "I look like I just farted in all my pictures." Such a shame- he looks like such a keeper...

Emma